Gew Gaw Finery is run by the stridulation of swollen crickets. The first
cricket is named Robb "Mottled Trunk of a Rubber Tree" Schuneman. The second cricket is Willis "The House of Mouse" Tanbark. When we stridulate, we stridulate HARD CORE. Back in 1987, we were using our hardcore stridulating technique to sell door and window frames. I don't know what happened from 1987 until now, but it involved a Confederate-era submarine entitled The H.L. Hunley, a case of 80# Cougar Opaque paper, and the ghost of Peg Entwistle. We also emerged with our nicknames, without ever finding out what they meant. It is also totally true that I am merely writing this in the hopes of selling shirts to people looking for really random things on the internet. But that's not "about us", that's stupid marketing. Let's stay on task.

If you believe nothing else in your life, believe this - me and Willis
went to school together and were friends, and once were in an adaptation of King Midas wherein I, Robb, dressed as a woman. Willis, true to form, was King Midas. We also presented countless incredible presentations in Mrs. Sauve's senior english class with our good friend Taneem Qazi (whose girlfriend once gave the gift of fuzzy handcuffs, who was left off the soccer team because the coach was "racist against Egyptians" and who left school early to go to college in Alexandria, or at Harvard, or something). Qazi - where are you? I have started this site in order to get the hysterectomy I've so badly needed. I didn't know what that was until I just looked it up after using it. Gross. I don't even possess a uterus. At least, not inside my body. I'm going to try using another word I'm unsure of the meaning for. Perhaps I will finally discover more about the feminine anatomy that I am so ignorant of due to my mother forbidding me from going to sex ed. I had to write a report on a book in the library instead. Oh yeah, that word. How about...Effulged. Is that a word? Oh wow, it is. But not part of the feminine anatomy. It is merely causing something to shine with light.

You probably learned more about me from that last paragraph than
anything I can tell you. One day I'll write a song entitled "The Adventures of Willis and Robb, Thus Far" and I will post it here. Until than, please continue to browse, continue to buy, continue to fight the power!

  home - shirts - contact us - faq - about us