Gaw Finery is run by the stridulation of swollen crickets. The first
cricket is named Robb "Mottled Trunk of a Rubber Tree" Schuneman.
The second cricket is Willis "The House of Mouse" Tanbark.
When we stridulate, we stridulate HARD CORE. Back in 1987, we were using
our hardcore stridulating technique to sell door and window frames. I
don't know what happened from 1987 until now, but it involved a Confederate-era
submarine entitled The H.L. Hunley, a case of 80# Cougar Opaque paper,
and the ghost of Peg Entwistle. We also emerged with our nicknames, without
ever finding out what they meant. It is also totally true that I am merely
writing this in the hopes of selling shirts to people looking for really
random things on the internet. But that's not "about us", that's
stupid marketing. Let's stay on task.
If you believe nothing else in your life, believe this - me and Willis
went to school together and were friends, and once were in an adaptation
of King Midas wherein I, Robb, dressed as a woman. Willis, true to form,
was King Midas. We also presented countless incredible presentations
in Mrs. Sauve's senior english class with our good friend Taneem Qazi
(whose girlfriend once gave the gift of fuzzy handcuffs, who was left
off the soccer team because the coach was "racist against Egyptians" and who left school
early to go to college in Alexandria, or at Harvard, or something). Qazi -
where are you? I have started this site in order to get the hysterectomy
I've so badly needed. I didn't know what that was until
I just looked it up after using it. Gross. I don't even possess a uterus.
At least, not inside my body. I'm going to try using another word I'm unsure of the meaning for.
Perhaps I will finally discover more about
the feminine anatomy that I am so ignorant of due to my mother forbidding
me from going to sex ed. I had to write a report on a book in the library
instead. Oh yeah, that word. How about...Effulged. Is that a word? Oh
wow, it is. But not part of the feminine anatomy. It is merely causing
something to shine with light.
You probably learned more about me from that last paragraph than
anything I can tell you. One day I'll write a song entitled "The
Adventures of Willis and Robb, Thus Far" and I will post it here.
Until than, please continue to browse, continue to buy, continue to fight