Q: What if I don't like my shirt?
A: Please write us an essay detailing why you don't like your shirt (2 pages, double spaced). If it is of a superior quality, send the shirt back, and we'll refund you. Okay. I'm just being silly. If you don't like it, for whatever reason, email us and we'll figure something out.

Q: Did you guys make that shirt of Scott McLemee that I saw posted on his website? (Alternatively: That I saw Rick Perlstein wear at the National Book Critics Circle Awards panel)?
A: Yes we did. Thanks to Rick for the advertisement. You can find it, and several variations of it, email us and we'll talk things out.

Q: How will you ship my shirt to me?

A: We ship all packages fedex ground and will email you the tracking information. If you need the t-shirt sooner, say, in order to make a profound statement at a panel at the national book critics circle awards, we can accomodate you I'm sure. Give us the e-mail.

Q: How do you pronounce "Gew-Gaw Finery"

A: For the webster readers out there, it'd be 'g(y)-(")go 'fIn-rE. For the rest of you, it's "Goo" (as in the goo-goo dolls) "Gah" as in John-Gaw Meem the Southwestern style architect (alternatively, it's also said as in the example "Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner, Gaw!") and finally, Finery is pronounced like someone with a speech impediment saying "finally." That should clear everything up so you can stop cautiously pronouncing it to your friends and start shouting it from the roof tops.

Q: What does gew gaw finery mean?

A: I don't know really. According to Webster.com, it'd be showy clothing. It came to me from William Faulkner though. Specifically, it came from William Faulkner's character, Mink Snopes. He did not want his wife buying "gew gaw finery" with his hard earned money. We, on the other hand, want his wife to buy shirts featuring a "scary tip toe." We are antithetical to The Mink Snopes Doctrine. I could further try to establish a great mening from this, but in truth I just happened to read the paragraph with that in it before we settled on a name. If we were to name it now, while I am reading Gene Wolfe's "The Claw of the Concillator", this site may have been called "The Curving Corridors of the Instants T-Shirts". All in all, I think we're pretty luck to have hit upon the Faulkner.

Q: Can I order your t-shirts in bulk and get a cheaper rate?

A: Are you from the Hot Topic? Dude, you guys don't let up. Actually, this answer is "yeah, probably." Just give us an email and we'll check into things.

Q: A bare-chested cat bride? What's the deal with the pictures?

A: Those were the first 5 words from another paragraph, specifically, one in Arundhati Roy's "The God of Small Things." I have a thing for randomness, Willis has a thing for order. By our powers combined, we are Captain Planet.

Q: Is it true that you created this company through hard-core stridulation?

A: I fibbed. It was more tender-core stridulation.

Q: So... I'm the guy who can't listen to They Might Be Giants without wondering which John is doing what. What roles did you guys play on these shirt designs?
A: For a full list of credits - check this mother out.

Q: If gew-gaw finery were a character on Friends, which character would it be?
A: Phoebe. We've taken hundreds of fan-created online quizzes. This is no longer just conjecture. Phoebe.

Q. What's cooler than cool?

A: Ice cold.

Q: Can I intern with you?

A: Yes. For college credit. I think. I don't know if you have to be a legit company to dispense college credit. But I have charming ways with registrarians. Mostly because they are old ladies, and for whatever reason, old ladies love me. For the record, I should say that I have no clue whether we could actually do this. I mean, what the heck would you do all day? Would you live in Los Angeles with Willis? Or Oklahoma City with Robb? I'd suggest LA for the night life and all, but, Robb has a guest room. Such decisions...

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